If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
