Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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