he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
