Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
