i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
