IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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