Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize