And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
