i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
