Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
