I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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