just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
