he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He felt like a one man threesome
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
