Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's always time for handjobs
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
