Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
