seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
