So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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