I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
