...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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