I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
