Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
