Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
