I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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