life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
