I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
