Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
