how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.