She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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