So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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