if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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