i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
