i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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