so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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