saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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