I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
