good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
