I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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