...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You are the jesus of drinking
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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