I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
