The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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