So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
