Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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