omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
