bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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