Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
