I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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