I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
