I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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