Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
