you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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