I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
