Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
