apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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