im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
