just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
