8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
