Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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