Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
