I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
